A woman arrives exactly when she means to
by GlitterAndMetal
Summary: One summer's day all the Shinigami Women's Association members are late for the meeting. What are their excuses? Another interesting day in the Seireitei.


**A/N: This is the first time I'm writing a humour fic and I'm not 100% sure about it. However I had fun writing it and I really love the Shinigami Women's Association. I hope you enjoy this :)**

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**A woman is never late. She arrives exactly when she means to…or not.**

Vice-president Nanao Ise was getting impatient. She had been waiting for an hour in the secret room at the Kuchiki manor and yet none of the others had arrived for the Shinigami Women's Association meeting. To top it off, she had to carry a lot of forms and food on her own since Rukia had failed to show up to help her. She knew that Captain Soifon was on a mission and that Captain Unohana and Isane were too busy with work but the others didn't have any excuses.

She was thinking about leaving when the door opened and three members stumbled into the room. Kiyone Kotetsu looked as if she had just run away from an army of Menos Grande. Rukia Kuchiki was fidgeting around like this was the last place she wanted to be at. Rangiku Matsumoto looked slightly drunk and was carrying a passed-out and shirtless Toshiro Hitsugaya over her shoulder. Nanao had just finished looking at them when Nemu Kurotsuchi walked in calmly. Nanao managed to create some sort of order. "Ladies, what happened? Why are you all late?" Soon enough all sense of order was lost as the other women started to speak at the same time. "One at a time," raised her voice Nanao.

She looked at Rukia who was usually quite composed, so much so that normally she reminded Nanao of Byakuya Kuchiki. The two were so alike that quite often Nanao wondered if they were actually blood relatives without knowing. But then she would come to the conclusion that that would have made Hisana one of Byakuya's relatives as well and the idea of relatives marrying each other proved to be too strange for Nanao to contemplate. "Rukia, you start. What happened to you and why didn't you come to help me?"

"Oh I'm sorry Nanao. My captain sent me with a lot of paperwork to almost every division this afternoon and it took quite a lot of time. Then I had to go to the 4th division to get some medicine for him. But it seemed everyone in the 4th was busy. Apparently a couple of men from the 11th division got into a pointless fight while training and the rest of the squad joined in so the infirmary is overflowing with men from the 11th. It took some time to get the medicine and by the time I got back to my barracks the captain wasn't in his office and I was already late. Then I went over to your office to see if you were still there but um…" Rukia's voice faded into an incoherent mumble as she started blushing furiously. "Well what happened?" asked Nanao again. "Well…Captain Kyoraku and Captain Ukitake were there together," she replied, still looking flustered. "So? Everyone knows that they're very good friends" commented Kiyone. "Yes but they were together together!" almost wailed Rukia. She sighed when she saw that none of the others had any idea what she was trying to say. "They were together…on the floor…naked." She heard the others gasp as they realised what she was hinting at. Kiyone was trying to say something but no sound came out of her mouth no matter how many times she opened and closed it so she ended up looking like a fish. Nanao's face had lost every hint of colour. Only Nemu and Rangiku looked mildly amused. Rukia continued. "Then I just ran out of the office and tried to get here but when I passed in front of the 12th division lab there was a whole chaos as one of the new researchers caused an explosion and the lab caught fire. Since my Zanpakutō is an ice type I started to help putting the fire out."

"Well that explains you," concluded Nanao who by now had composed herself. She pushed up her glasses and turned on to the next member. "Rangiku what about you? Why are you drunk in mid-afternoon?...And what happened to your captain?" she added as she looked at the young captain who was now lying on the floor. "Well, you see," replied the blonde, "today it's too hot and I couldn't concentrate on my paper work. Hitsugaya Taicho got fed up and asked me what he could do to make me work. So I told him that if we had a drinking competition, tomorrow I'd do a week's worth of work. I managed to convince him and so we started drinking. After an hour a hell butterfly came with a call for wielders of ice or water based Zanpakutō to go help put the fire at the lab out. We went to help even though the captain was so drunk – he's such a lightweight – and he had to use his bankai to put out all the flames. Then in between the exhaustion, the heat and the sake he passed out. I couldn't just leave him there so I brought him with me." "I think the heat is affecting the poor captain's brain if he actually agreed to drink with you during work hours. And you haven't explained why he's shirtless. Did his top get burnt?" assumed Nanao. "Oh no," replied Rangiku with a giggle "he got so hot when he was drinking that he actually took his top off. Since it's not a bad sight I didn't try to stop him." By now Nanao was considering banging her head against the wall hoping that the pain would make her wake up. She couldn't believe how immature some of the highest ranking Shinigami were behaving. What would the Captain Commander say if he knew that his subordinates were such a mess? She was wondering if this was all a dream. Yet she continued interrogating her friends. "Why were all of you running when you got here?"

"That's Captain Kurotsuchi's fault!" shouted Kiyone. "I was there when the fire started as well. You see they were experimenting with some highly toxic stuff so anyone who inhaled any smoke or air close to the lab was poisoned. So Captain Kurotsuchi gave everyone antidotes but once we were all healed he said that as thanks we should become his test subjects for a few experiments of his. He was already becoming excited and getting out vials and needles from his kit so we just ran here." "Is this true Nemu?" sighed Nanao. "Yes," replied the vice-captain simply, "and I'm supposed to take you back to the lab with me…Oh don't worry I won't do that," she added when she saw the others' horrified faces.

Before anyone could comment further, Yachiru entered the room in a blur of pink. Nanao was going to welcome her when she noticed that the girl's hands and uniform were splattered with blood. "President Kusajishi, are you hurt? Should we take you to the infirmary?" "No this is just hollow blood," Yachiru replied happily as if she was saying that she had brought with her an endless supply of candy. "Ken-chan and I were in Rukongai when we ran into a huge group of strong hollows. There were so many that Ken-chan even let me fight! Then we got lost and when we got to Seireitei it was so late that I didn't go to clean up and just came here. By the way are there any snacks? I'm hungry and it smells like cherry here."

"Cher-" started to ask Nanao but was soon cut off by a deep voice.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura"

If Yoruichi Shihōin had been there she would have been proud to see that the young generation had greatly improved in their use of shunpo.

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**Thanks for reading. Comments and suggestions for improvement are welcome :)**


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